guni beras mahu bicara dengan kotak oatmeal

dear kotak oatmeal,

xbenci. aku xbenci. even when u lied straight to my face. even when u forget all ur damn promises. even when u walked away without a word. even when u found another in less than 2 weeks. even when u humiliated me. slapped me rite in the face without even a single hand motion. aku still xbenci kau.

knape. knape aku kene terima all this shit when i did nothing to hurt u. knape u get to hate me when ur the one tearing my guts. knape u get to be mean to me when ur the one who tore me to pieces. knape u get to swear when i'm the one suffering. knape.

what. what in the world did i do to hurt u. what in hell did i say that pisses u so much. what in heaven did i write that ticked u off. what jokes i made that brought up ur rage. whatever did i do to deserve this. what. what. ape.

enough. enough of this drama. enough of this shit u put me through. enough all this talking bad about me. enough membusukkan name aku. enough menghina fizikal aku. enough memijak harga diri aku. enough trying to look bad. enough testing my patience. i've had enough of u. i've had enough.

sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry i let u approach me. i'm sorry i let u come near me. i'm sorry i let u touched my heart. i'm sorry i let myself fall in love. i'm sorry i bought ur words. i'm sorry i trusted ur promises. i'm sorry i said yes. i'm sorry i let u shred my heart. i'm sorry i let u waste ur time. i'm sorry to u. i'm sorry to myself. sorry.

stop. stop doing what ur doing. stop torchering. i want to stop doing what i'm doing. i want to stop suffering.

sincerely, guni beras

guniberas

outing "rahsia-lah-sgt" kami

Friday- 2nd of april 2010 mmg hari keramat untuk anak2 latok razak yg gila2 meroyan ini. mlm tu at about 8pm mama n baba kuar. katenye ade function tah pebende ar. nak kata openhouse, raya agama mana plak dah, nak kata knduri kawen, sapa gila sgt bsanding mlm2 ni. hurm.. ntahla. ala msti tan sri2s thingy yg biasanya tpampang dlm kad jmputan "no kids allowed" (well, in a better manner that is). tp yg penting! ape yg penting? kejeeeesameee!! yg ktorg tau function whatever-lah itu berlaku di KL. n slalunya when they klua at 8pm 4 these kinda things, diorg balik at about 11pm. wee partay~

my otak-padat sis, nobbie the petite plak baru balek that day so spt biasa ktorg buat conference dlm my now unmessedup bedroom (tp lyk i said, she's back, so get ready to messed up again my dear roomy). mesy dirasmikan YAP (yg amat pendek) nobbie the petite, dipengerusikan YAC (yg amat comel) seyha the hottie, dan disertai oleh YAB (yang amat besar) razin the huge and raziq the enourmous.

nobbie: wei, mama baba r gonna be lateee!

seyha: yea, lets sit in this room, be good and behave. (yea rite thats what i said haha)

razin n raziq: noooooooo objection objection!

nobbie: mari keluaaa

seyha: gulp. lyk.. seriouslyy?

(they went down that very minute cari kunci umah, kunci kete, O.o)

seyha: wth

the ride was thrriiiilliiiing~~ ini bukan saja 1st tym ktorg klua rumah diam2 (well actually this is not the 1st :P) but it turned out to be inila 1st tym our nobbie bwk kete at nite! (when she said this. i went from a chatterbox to mute. mute.mute.) that explains the lupa nak pakai seatbelt, lupa nak set cermin, lupa nak BAWAK DUET. haha. rite. nobbie nobbie nobbie :P

mana ktorg pegi? jap japp aku cter..

1. pkns (for what reason, we dunno. pegi sne, masuk, realised we got at most rm30, pusing seround, masuk kete balik)

2. shell ke petronas near bintang (beli 7up lemon 4 razin, ribena lemon 4 nobbie, ribena ori 4 me n teh bunge 4 ajit)

3. home amik duet haha

4. seksyen 4 beli bege otai (chicken special 4 razin, cheicken cheese 4 ajit n beef cheese 4 me)

5. skolah aku (for no reason, nobbie wanna drive more n i miss smk bbb)

6. world of pets (they got hedgehogs! i want a hedgehog! sonic undergrooound)

7. back home

then then then baba called me. then then then we see his perdana depan front gate. then then then the party's over.

baba: pi mana bawak keta mama xbagitau ni??! (he was literally screaming)

we all: ehehehe (n we're literally sengih2 lyk smelly scallops haha)

but then it was over.. believe it or not. they're not mad! diorg tekejut ktorang have the courage to do what we did n kitorg tekejut they didnt went crazy hentaming us all with belt. haha well maybe we're big enough :))

so hasilnye.. aku sgt sgt sgt excited ngan pngalaman malam pertama ini. sgt sgt sgt xsaba nak buat lagi. sgt sgt sgt syg siblings aku. sgt sgt sgt suke ble xkene marah. dan sgt sgt sgt bsyukur we're still alive (after the gen2-slash-roller-coaster ride)! thank u syg2 ku.. muaaaah

btw, ini jugak 1st tym aku xrase nak amik gamba banyak sgt haha. my excitement was more to menjerit2 dalam kete haha.

kat stall bege otai

hedgehog comel comel comel

anak2memberontakk

unmessedupping my life :)

tym spm. tempat yg aku panggil bedroom telah melalui satu evolusi drastik ala2 anjakan paradigma mengejut mcm dlm cte transformers (atau kanfomes bak kate ammad). ular sawa, biawak, anaconda, iguana, pn mungkin tlah buat komuniti baru dlm bilik ni tanpa mendaftar kat balai raya.

selepas spm. perubahan yg diharap dan didoakan ramai masih tidak berjaya menjadi reality kerana aku yg spatutnya menjalankan tanggungjawab mengorganisasikan majlis gotong-royong seorg diri masih xsampai seru lagi nak statkannye. maka harapan terus jadi harapan dan doa2 mereka yg berdoa masih jugak blom dimakbulkan.

selepas result spm. sudah ternampak sinar kerajinan yg menyilaukan dalam diriku. akhirnya sampai jugak hidayah untuk mengemas bilik ini. jauh btol hidayah tu tinggal agaknye lambatla dye sampai. berbekalkan keazaman untuk memiliki new life yg bersih tanpa habuk yg mendalam, harapan memiliki my dream bedroom back, dan mama dan baba sebagai penasihat aka pembebel, maka berlangsunglah acara pelupusan sampah sirap (buku2 spm dan exam papers) secara besar2an!

here's some of the before n after photos hehe ;P

jgnmessy2lagiye..

and the result is... *drum rolls*

i woke up smiling. taking bout 40 minutes bath (haha sumpah 1st tym). wore my handmade baju kurung. got myself mentally ready n went to school. kat paga skolah "Keputusan SPM akan keluar pada pukul 12pm. Sila berpakaian kemas." tgk jam. 10.15am. shit. went back home. hmm maybe God's giving me some more tym 2 feel a little bit scared. but its not working. was still smiling. :) 11.30am. went back again. masuk dewan. spotted feisal. n others. tgk meja. pn rosnee. syafiq sdg mengisi borg2. pegi dekat. "syafiqq! 1oA's! tahniah!". bangge aku ngan syafiq. tgk kembang kempis idung ayah dye haha. qila dtg gv me a hug. filled me in ngan result2 satu skolah yg dy tau. my turn. duduk. THAT's when i started to shake. pn rosnee suruh sign. tgn aku was shaking gle2. sign jd cam tulisan kat dinding gua. mama made her best "cegu disiplin face". pn rosnee pn kuakan slip tu. 5A 4B 1C. smiled again :). the word redha filled into my heart. btol. aku redha. :)

• bahasa melayu A+ (wanita melayu terakher)
• bahasa inggeris A (of coursee *-*)
• pendidikan islam A (amiiin)
• sejarah A- (naseb baek mama xngamuk)
• mathematics A (fiuuuh)
• additional mathematics B (O.o unbelievable)
• physic B (that's a relief)
• chemistry C+ (hallamaaak)
• biology B (urk? how did that happen?)
• english for science and technology B+ (dasar pemerikse taik idung masen!)

sayaredha

cut deep boy, u cut deep.

you
were always there

followed me wherever

accompanied me whenever

were there for whatever

you said

"im a guy who kissed u thru the phone"

"if things dont work out between us, i promise never to look at any other girl"

"my child gonna have ur hair"

you gave

hopes

dreams

wishes

smile

promises

which stay

hopes

dreams

wishes

smile

promises

now

i'm nobody to you

now

left without a word

no sorry

no goodbye

no farewell

no nothing

now

a new girl?

now

you cut me deep

so many questions left unanswered

why why why

at least answer this one

how could you?

ever heard this?

what goes around comes around

imcutdeep

my food jurnal :P

these are all i ate today (n beberapa glasses of air kosong of course)

segelas air jagung

nata de coco
2 biji buah plum

a bottle of tinge

2 keping roti gerdenia (ramai yg gemarkannye.. rase segar sentiase)

2 cups of tea
xmakannasi:P

BBQ nite at the house of the three musketiak!

Pada tanggal 25 februari 2010, seperti yg sudah dirancangkan begitu lama iaitu 2 3 ari sebelumnya maka berlangsunglah MALAM PESTA BABYQ dengan gilang gemilangnya. Acara yg julung2 kali atau dalam erti kata laen belum pernah dlm sejarah diadakan ini bergeografi di rumah baru yg sgtlah cantik dan besar sekali tajaan penuh IKEA dgn kerjasama tuan rumah achuwa, pak usu dan 3 org dayang2 yg bertugas menghuru harakan majlis itu. Dengan sokongan penuh mereka2 yg turut terlibat yg mempunyai sifat2 mulia lagi terpuji dan saling bantu-membantu seperti roti jala dan gulai itik, majlis malam itu berlangsung dengan sempurna dan keseronokan yg xterhingga. Amatlah ruginya sesiapa yg tidak menunjukkan batang idung di sana kerana bukan sahaja gambar2 idung anda akan diambil sbg kenangan tetapi juga perut anda akan mengalami suatu pengalaman melantak yg tiada tolok bandingnya. Hayatila kembara kami. ;)

semua penduduk bekerjasama dan bermuafakat menunggu terpanggang dgn sempurnanya ayam, sotong dan udang yg disediakan..

pekerja pakej= tukang masak + tukang makan diimport khas untuk event berprestij ini

walaupun sudah kekenyangan, kami masih komited untuk mnangkap gamba

dedikasi kami dalam menjalankan tugas yg sudah diamanahrayakan= pose

salah seorg intruder yg bjaya diberkas sebelum ianya berjaya menghuru harakan majlis

tragedi pecah kolam yg berlaku sejurus selepas perasmian penutupan majlis malam itu, tiada kemalangan jiwa dilaporkan, cuma pesakit jiwa ini yg berjaya dikesan :)

sgtsgtsgtsygfamilysaya